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anorexic.


Yesterday was a strange day.
I woke up early, was my mother's birthday so I decided to make breakfast and take it to bed with flowers:) I was thrilled.
The problem is that to celebrate we went to eat at an Asian buffet ...
Sincerely, or I'm going crazy, or is really disgusting to see people eating ... served a plate of food after another revosante to inflate their guts to unknown limits and, in my opinion, unnatural ...
But most repulsive to see those people who are overweight, injecting millions of calories, eating alone at a table full of empty plates ...
Obviously when I got home I threw everything I had eaten:)
the afternoon and taking advantage of my parents had gone to the theater and my brother was at a barbecue, wine Diego.


When he was nervous, went back and forth dodging, realizing as stroking with his eyes that were dying to touch their hands.
passion led us rushed to the couch, where our kisses poured through his fingers. We went to my room
breathing hard and red face. We arrived
my bed, I was nervous ... was not my first time, but with him ... also had long maintained no relations with a person I really felt something ...
began to kiss again, but not like before.
This time the passion and desire tiñieron of tender sweetness on her lips.
I stroked with infinite love as I gently removed the clothing, such as who skims through a flower petal by petal.
I wanted to turn off the light, I feel ashamed of his brown eyes through my body like a curtain of rain, but he stopped me. Just
intensity decreased slightly, enough to relax the atmosphere, but the darkness came a wrap.
began to slide his fingers through my body shaking, and my ribs, the bones of my hips, my chest shaking, crossing my legs, my mules, astronaut taking steps for each of my moles ... while kissing.


-You are very thin, "she whispered tattooing the tip of your fingers on each of my ribs.
I wanted to hide my body, I was embarrassed ... I think even I blushed and turned away the look ... "Do not be stupid
smiled. "You're so pretty and I thought ...- eyes Coke got rid of my sheets. "You're so beautiful
....-
And our bodies entwined, tangled naked, but not at the mercy of lust or desire ... this time the affection and love was the one who was controlling the situation.
She hugged me, kissed me and I, tiny, curled up in your body.
I do not think I felt more protected and comfortable in life.
knew time came and our smiles crept through the curtains only to crash against the windows.
I grabbed his face with his hands, with great delicacy, as if to break in any time and kissed me ...
I felt as if something inside me ignited by ... Am I expected to fall in love?
I suddenly realized who was in winter and it was cold, so I put his shirt and got a ball with him, hugging him. -Vicky

...- "If? -
" You're very pretty .-
smiled, but he did not see me because my face was hidden on his body. I sat up and leaned on his chest and looked at him with a goofy smile and tousled hair.
I brushed a lock of hair from her face and kissed my forehead.
And so we stayed, I do not know how long, playing the two cats who did not want to sleep without me say nothing, wanting gummy buds were hooked up to my corners, pretending to be human in this room gray.



And from that day, my raised bed ... became an immensity in which I feel vulnerable ...
if you're not by my side ...

Red White And Yelo Cable To Headphone Jack

Repulsion.


Today I got disgusted, I turned to go all night without sleep just.

obviously did not go to class.

In the morning I drank tea and tried reuir food until I was inebitable.
On the table:
-rice with peas, onions and ham.
-curry chicken wings.
-Pan.
-Custard.
I sat at the table and my mother began to serve rice in a bowl. I have no hunger
mom .- growled the spoon away from my plate.
Honestly I never realized how disgusting it is to see people eat ... reppulsión authentic look gives me food, listen to your breathing or chewing mouths ... even the smell makes me nauseous ... was revolting to see all the fat together>. < I spent half an hour separating the peas from my plate of rice.
- Why do not you eat? - Growled my father using another spoonful of rice. "Because it subnormal.
spat my brother attacking the wings.
Finally, my mother made me drink from the refrigerator to accompany my medication.
I was engrossed looking at the shelves of the refrigerator, before and neurotically ordered by me, as if changing the TV channel.
my yogurts were not low in calories.

Look at the drawers of the fruit and took the tiny apple had . I began to peel and chop, killing time until I was forced to eat it ... or 100gr epsaría not but I ate it with disgust, not wanting to even nausea ... if not because I'm sick of the throat had vomited that tiny apple ...

Yesterday I got into a chat room and met several interesting people but also met the typical "good Samaritan" which purports to make your good deed for the day "saving" our lives ... I understand that people in part because I've been in the position Antian, but these people do not understand ... much they read, they see or hear, you never know what this is to live it. Unlike us if these people have lived both sides of the coin and we can say from understanding. Obviously there unconscious brat do this without knowing the consequences and to draw attention, but I do not classify us all is the solution ... Many are aware of all this, the consequences, that this is not a game ... that is a way of life and unfortunately some fuckin 'disease. Do you think that people that what I will say I have not heard already or that I myself think? no, it's much easier to think that we are all silly oxygen whose only ambition in life is to be the spunky barbie wrapped shift. And that's not true. Most of us have dreams hopes and fears. All we think about our future, in love, buy a house and some even want to have children (I only happens at times) And of course we are aware that this is like a cancer that kills not only ourselves, but our family and friends ... but it is so easy to get out of here ... And if you think that if it is, it is obvious you do not know the implications of this disease. What upsets you, it corrupts you and giving you ... although it is ironic because the more you engage and close these death ... you feel better>. <>

currently do not know anything ... not even know if I think about all this.
just wish to leave me alone, let me stop eating and get to my goal, and when it comes I know I'll be happy ... or so I repeat day after day ... because the truth is that when you reach that goal I'll get another and then another and then another ...
I hope that day never come, and that if he has enough strength (and now I'm missing) to stop this.
But today ...
NOT WANT! THIS IS MY LIFE! WHAT ME AND THE FULL FOLLOW THAT MAKES ME DAY BY DAY!
AND FUCK THAT good Samaritans!


no-calorie sweet kisses my princess!

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Fruit.



I think last night was one of the worst nights of my life. I have not slept
anything by fever and sore throat abuse ... but I was in the morning the doctor who prescribed me some antibiotics and syrups that I have sat quite well.
The bad? that to take these antibiotics have to eat ... so I decided to eat something while I take them. Are obviously only a heatproof food, mostly fruit.
I ate only yogurt: March 1946 kcal, strawberry>. < y hoy al pesarme he bajado de peso (56´4) wojojoi! la verdad es que aunque lo que esté comiendo ahora sea anticalórico, y que lo haga por las vitaminas (que evidentemente me faltan) y por los antibióticos, me da un poco de cosa... no puedo negar que me paso el día contando calorías, pero la verdad es que prefiero ni pensarlo en estos momentos... sé que las frutas que como (ni plátano, ni uvas, ni aguacate, ni dátiles, ni higos evidentemente) no aportan gran número de calorías y que su digestión quema más calorías de las que el propio alimento aporta (alimentos anticalóricos) pero aún así me obsesiono un poco...



mainly by the simple fact of feeling full, there are days that I can not even get a cup of tea because it bothers me that feeling ... I do not know Yesterday afternoon Diego went through my house to collect money from tickets and an excuse to visit me:) the truth is that it is a charm. He caught me in pajamas ... all pints parbulario girl and although I did not want or that I saw he kept hugging me and tell me if it was really nice, that if you wanted to stay overnight if I bla bla bla and I'm going to pass!! XD and gave me kisses on her hair and cheek (L) all lovely. Upon leaving he kept repeating that set me good lol how cute>. <
Later I called a friend from Granada, Alicia, and I was a bit like there are things, gossip and other more than anything lol
Later I talked to Carmen, my "sister." We are slowly fixing things, and everything is step by step back to normal. Saturday is the birthday of Tom, her boyfriend, and we will make a gift

together ^ ^ Well, not much more to say for today.



I promise that the next actu put some tips ^ ^

no-calorie sweet kisses my princess ^ ^

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Want to achieve your goal? Sacrifice! Tonsillitis

Are GORDA?
Did you look in the mirror and you see ASCO?

PUSSY So what you eating? So weak are you? So fragile? You can not resist a TROOZ food?
Where is your willpower? Your self? Where are your GOALS? And your DREAMS? What about your aspirations? 're fragile, the food YOU can WIN OVER YOU .... No good for nothing Do not even able to tell you NO . So much it costs to leave on the plate that damn food? "Both want to take her mouth? Well, COME.

Puut Comeea AS A CERDA!
Atiborrate! Go to the market and buy all the shit that hell you want, all cookies, candy and sweets you see. Then sit on your couch and downs. Feel the taste. You like it? You can not help it. DAMN YOU ARE FAT.

swallow You've done everything you've seen your path? Is it at this happy? ZAMPA have you enjoyed? Want more? OK? Will you still be MORE? Then eat more.
That's the only thing I know to drink and drink.

're weak, very weak.
They put all your dreams and goals in the mud. But you in this moment I do not care, just want to devour all the food you see.

then what? What happens when you finish all the bags of potatoes and shit that you get into your mouth? Will you even more?. I doubt it.
're already swollen, you feel you are going to explode. You realize what you did ... start VVER your belly round, full, HINCHADA, GORDA.


know that everything you eat is going to go to your legs ... that your thighs tomorrow will be heavier and larger. They cry. Cry inconsolably, want to cut you, hate you, disappear, go back and have not eaten anything.

But it is too late. NOW YOU fuck. Your

knew I should not eat. I knew, but did not give you the control you gain and sacrifice. You have chosen the easy way: eat whatever you wanted without worrying about the consequences. For now assume your actions. Tomorrow when you step on the scale do not ever shed a tear when you see you've gained. Anything you will mourn. What do you expect? What all the shit that you put away was air?

FAT YOU EAT DO NOT LIE, YOU CAN SEE REFLECTED IN YOUR BIG AND ROUND ass.

eat before you stand a moment and think what you really want: to be a thin woman envy or be a Gorda Ignored by others. YOU CHOOSE!

precious
Well I write these words to help you in times of downturn, weakness, to eviteis binging and temptations. and you may know say no when necessary.
But if I ask you not bring my words too far I'm not saying that never ever eat just to let you know things control you and you eat healthy salads, vegetables and fruits.
I know I should not say this, because I'm the first one points to the water fasts and to spend days and days without meter or a calorie in my body ... but maybe my method is not the best. So if you really want those convinced of this madness, at least as much as I do, and want to continue destrozándote life ... forces and support you ... how are you, because words are what give us strength in the worst moments.

no-calorie sweet kisses my princess ^ ^

Blueprints Of Offices

.


Well here I am gutted ... with tonsils the size of two tennis balls and enough tired to do nothing uu
I worry that this year also is missing both class ... in fact I have around a philosophy exam that I did last week, and I had been postponed to this ... was for yesterday, but the teacher was not there and I do not know what will happen ... I'm also missing many classes, there should be delivered today a text comment and yesterday I did not even did a review of Latin catastrophic ...



Pufff guess I'm overwhelmed by the studios ... take advantage of today, although the medical waste time and fever do not let me study a lot ... I have free time to emnos. Did
Worst of all this? Besides I'm losing a lot of classes (I feel sick every week) Today was going to go with Diego to buy tickets for a concert on February 25 uu esque
and not even know I commented to my parents because I'm hoarse>. < de todas formas la entrada anticipada sn 12 euros, Diego se pasará por mi casa para recoger el dinero y comprármela. Si a unas malas no pudiese ir, siempre podría revender la entrada y en el peor de los casos soloperdería 12 pavos... que no es tanto (teniendo en cuenta que tocan artistas muy buenos) y no sé...
The rets of the day is to me quite calm and in books ... Best of all is that today I can wriggle out of food
^ ^ I do not know .. I guess there's not much to tell about my day ^ ^ (and yesterday's post was the sufuciente tochaco)

Miles
no calorie candy kisses my princess!

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Potpourri. New


Sorry for not writing all this time ... say that I had the head and heart a thousand, and have not had a single small hole to get to the blog.
Well, one of the things that have occupied most of my time was my cousin Yaiza.
Yaiza is 23 years old and about six months ago was diagnosed a malignant brain tumor.
Although the operation was a success, has brought consequences.
the prince was at Safety Day, Christmas comes but it got worse ... I could not take any food, because I vomited everything up you mouth and finally, last week went into a coma.
That day I wrote this.




Coward felt that that decision followed him throughout the day. A disyuntiba that rushed over her like a huge, leaden shade. Clouds
texture of asphalt were torn to climb down from the windows of the institute, and the hours they spent anodyne unnoticed, longed for the sound of ringing a quarter to three. Noa
felt like every step you weighed more in the soul, accumulating in the same way that the tar snuff had acceded to his lungs.
came home with her lips no word, his face cut by wind and frost forever and hidden hands in his pockets, the cold trying to escape the poisoned from within, and not even the most ardent of hell could suffocate.
He dropped the bag on the floor, hit a soft slam and went to his room accompanied by the empty echo of footsteps on a narrow marble staircase.
He sat on the bed and pulled a paper from the top drawer of the nightstand.
At the head of folio, with green lettering and calligraphy official reading "Bus Schedule Sevilla-Jaén
With the paper tightly in his hands lay on the bed, leaving the knot that had been feeling all morning stomach spreading across her head up to poison the mind fuck that dilemma.
On the one hand, I felt the need to appear there, to tell everything he felt for her, it was important to support all those years ... I wanted to scream that wanted to hug her and kiss her, confessing everything that had been thinking since childhood and had not dared to say a mixture of shame, fear and respect ...
But every time I re-read the bus timetables reality exploded in his face ... knew he could not talk to her ... would find it weak and withered ... with apparently life ahead and escapándosele dropwise by a probe.
His veins, prominent blue and have much more mileage than it would have made on that trip, always fighting for survival ... from is made or a quarter century, until now.
What would you do? Would subject his dying hand, provided with artificial heat, while clouding your senses with the smell of disinfectant synthetic and ears miss the sound of beating electrocardiogram in the depths of pain.
would see a concerned mother, aunt, impaired, straw-colored and aged terribly ... hug her and try to comfort her repeating the words she herself had recited over and over again in the silence of the night ...
Why? to devote one last look at his lifeless body to the hospital bed, the pale green nightgown hiding a frail and emaciated body, the EKG monitor vital signs recorded a minimum and comatose ... to rub your eyelids to a stop on the tube coming out of his mouth to cover her face as horrified to find nothing left of that beautiful red hair or their eyes ... her beautiful brown eyes, almond ... are not likely to shine anymore ...
Honestly ... and it may sound insignificant, it would not be able to see that ... could not cope with that image and condemn his last memory of it at such a horrible fate ... Noa
felt fear, a fear It is bound up with the idea of \u200b\u200bnot seeing her again more with the inability to say goodbye ... with the selfishness of a loved ... and at the same time horrified and flagged, with the obligation to witness this scene ...
Something made her open her eyes and lost in the ceiling gotelé ... a handful of silent tears started rolling down her cheeks, had begun to rain outside and the raindrops did not stop scratching the glass of sorrow.


I always have panic hospitals ... despite having spent over half his life in them ...




Also, just the day before I had a problem with Diego ... that morning we were phenomenal, I had to present to my classmates and just before dinner he had dismissed me with a handful of kisses and hugs. Arriving afternoon
started talking on msn and started talking with a "Suees compare relationships?" In that moment I realized he was referring to Martha, his ex ... the same ex who has been giving per bag all this time ...
The case is just staying to talk, for one thing or another I said it was illusion, that he felt that something was amiss among us who are bored with me ... but despite all the things I said I wanted to be with me and wanted to fix.
To me, sincerely all So I came at once ... I remember as much tears I jumped while walking.
Huvo a momneto in which he said "look at me please" and I could not ... insisted so I ended up doing and I think he found it hurt him more than me.
After I dried her tears and trying vainly to hold my Contura come to my house.
I said goodbye and I honestly do not remember any kiss it started to rain just as there's no tomorrow and I started running to catch his voice echoing in my head "do not want things to end this way please."
I embraced him in the back and he became very quiet ... and I accompanied a stretch of road until he suddenly stopped short.
"Vicky, let me be honest with you ... really anything that I said before was true ..." At that moment the smile on his lips froze me
"The truth is that this afternoon my sister came and told me that Marta had spoken with her and had asked if we were still together ..." What little was left of her smile fell to the ground to pieces.
From there the conversation went from bad to worse, contradicted all the time and it seemed that I had to choose between two people.
On the one hand I understood what was happening, had taken more than 8 months to get over my ex and he I had scarcely done in two weeks ... Maybe things between us had happened too soon ...
The truth is that not shed a tear, I wanted to be totally objective but I felt that your words get stuck in the soul ...

One day I wrote this:





Crash "Tell me something, tell me how you feel, tell me what you think ... please,
- You know what is the sound produced by the crystals when they hit the asphalt? -

"I can fix a million things ... I can change everything, or stay the same, so I can not do is be herself. I'm not her ... You choose what you want ... What is clear is that look like the idiot meddling in your beautiful love story .- "I do not want this and you know ... if I tell you this is because I want to be with you ... I know I will not find anyone like you What do you want? .- "Maybe for you it would be easier to send you to hell, so you could run to his arms ... I am not anyone's main course ...- "That is well and you know ... What? What we do ... in the background you know that I have not half a pack of clinex .- ...- -Moron ... "Wait please!, What do I do?! I do not know ... do you want?! - "The problem is that ... they do not even know what I ...- The day is dying to break into rain, and finally, the tears were diluted in the silent cries of the last clouds of January.
Different characters, same story.

remember I grabbed her arm and told me she understood ... the problem is that he understood perfectly why I hurt so much ...
I fell in Pereda and threw her head back so that the drops of rain erased any RASR of tears ... not going to let me mourn saw again.
"Understand me, I do not know what do ... It was and I suddenly see you, my sweet Vicky, so small so pretty ... seemed so fragile that you went in an instant .. aromper with that smile, the innocence ... "
We went up to the door of my house, I told him if he wanted to leave and up ... not escape the oportuniodad ... I would still be there as a friend who had not afraid to lose ... that maybe we needed time ...
He turned against me "Do not tell me that, I do not want time ... I do not want to lose you, the problem is that I do not even know ... fuck "put his hands to his head again" does not want things to end up like this ... I do not want "and he burst into tears ... and I stopped s eme heart ...
He kissed me and whispered that he did not want this just so I gave him a hug and sat on the stairs in the rain watching his silhouette slowly lost behind the curtain of water.
few days and just went running to "talk".
He greeted me a kiss on the lips and felt the confusion I felt.
He wanted my hands and I reuía own, trying to find my ojosy I memorized each of the tiles in the street and so it began to rain.
The conversation was normal until then, as two friends who meet one evening ... but with the taste of your lips burning on mine ... well, as I said we started to rain and taken refuge in a doorway, I sat leaning against a column, and he in front of me, "he said," vicky, vic, victoria, look at me "and for the first time I realized I could not watch it ... was as if a steel plate that allowed me to look into his eyes.
And I got nervous and did the usual, I bit my lip and began to spin the hair ... I guess it's easy to know what you think if my movements are memorized ... Almost whispering
said "on the Monday ..." and feel like something is taking you away from the inside, up from the stomach to the face and making the eyes burn and they are willing to mourn but I restrained myself and started talking total quiet.
He told me to come, derrepente had a meter away from us ... he put his hand behind his shoulders and he fell on his chest, had made a decision. According to him he realized that he wanted to be with me, but only with me in a relationship where I would think full. I wanted to leave the past and start fresh with me, to forgive him and he was not going to put my virtues list ... I was just going to decirque was what he wanted and to hell else.
"What do you think?" In all that time had not opened his mouth, think or breathe.

I replied that if that was what quieria agree, but he did not want secrets, I wanted to know the truth forever ... ... and hugged me and kissed my hair and asked me as we spoke at least 5 or 10 minutes a day because I wanted to know about me and being present in my life, my life painful and boring I replied.
He laughed.
"you idiot"
and kissed.

A few days later I learned that Yaiza was awake, was conscious and lucid. It took a peach juice and doctors said that even he was in a better mood. And while there is a risk that Caceres has spread to your bloodstream more of their body ... which is alive is enough for me ....

Diego a week later and I did a month. We have our best and our less, but gradually I feel that things are going forward ... I have afraid, very afraid, and frankly every time I think that Wednesday's rain in the portal I wonder if I gave him a second chance, or I gave it to me ... And although cosasvayan improving ... fear is there ... is there.

One day I wrote this: Back



tests are back, back high-dose insomnia, anemia again, fighting at home again ... but also makes the sun on the skin, old friends, the extra wool jerseys giants, movies with popcorn, family and especially Sundays ... the roll of drums, that taste in the mouth, those words that cost ... but quite often goes without saying them, that glint in his eyes and that smile of idiot down my window every time I see you down the street.


30 days ... even if they happened a million things, I have flown ... The best part? it's like if time runs between us, only I seem to feel when you leave me with a kiss on the doorstep ... otherwise, I have this strange feeling of confidence and normalcy to floods every time that things are going well ... as my mother "to me is as if he had a lifetime" as you said you "and having many, many, many months"



yesterday for the first time I said I love you ...
yesterday for the first time and hiding his face with his hands diej that I wanted.
not laugh a few minutes, I blushed and kissed me.




On Ana and Mia ... I got a fright day I started throwing up blood ... but it happened. My days are
fasts alternating with bulimia and, frankly, I'm doing pretty well. Noto
I lose weight, the bones mark me, but at the same time I feel shaky, I do not know ... I would love to exercise but I feel exhausted ... partly because of anemia, in part po insomnia (when you stop eating because you're feeling insomnia) and do not know ... I have little more to say for now apart from that I am fucking huge ... less huge than normal but huge at the end of the day.
And since studies burdened with many tests and little desire to study ... next week it's my Italian inetrcambio going to be fun, and eat alone as I miss a week of meals ^ ^
With Friends ... the truth I'm drifting a bit, among which I do not go from not eating or vomiting and that what little I leave it to Diego, you could say I'm losing my social life uu The only hope left was girls will meet at monthly , and have done a day when I am traveling ... have behaved a little foxes but you can not do anything ...
also my best friend is now wrong with drugs and stuff ... is slightly hooked and pufff the situation quite beyond me, because I lost a friend like that ...




Today I'm not going to leave any advice or mine ana instead I speak of dreams and their interpretation.
I have ever dreamed that I fell all the teeth and according to this page

http://www.euroresidentes.com/suenos/diccionario_d.htm

means:

Dreams where your teeth fall out are very common and there are several interpretations depending on the person and situation. The teeth represent security in ourselves - are a symbol of our happiness (smile) and appearance. Dreaming about their teeth fall out is the fear of looking ridiculous in real life. It lacks the security needed to perform a specific job and is concerned that others laugh at you. In teeth dreams represent strength - use them to bite, tear, chew ... In this sense, if in your dream you fall or are broken, it means that real life feel, that others can not hear your opinion on a particular topic or in general. Maybe you're in a situation or relationship that makes you feel insecure. Must regain self-confidence, and learn to express their views and ideas with greater determination. On the other hand, if you dream that your teeth are filling cavities and tear, means you must take care at work. Some offer a different interpretation of this dream - the person who dreams of rotten or broken teeth regrets having told a lie or a calumnidad.


I hope you find interesting page ^ ^ no-calorie sweet kisses my princess!