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Disgusted


Today I am depressed, disgusted with the world, sick of it, tired of fighting, mourn ... tomorrow I have a history test, I have not gone to any kind but even I have the strength to open the book ... I'm so tired.
And I feel so alone ... I feel that I have nobody to love or to love me, I have no real friends, I can not sit down and talk about anything with anyone or laugh or have fun ... is complex, or if derepente everyone had made their lives and I was not part of any of them ... and at the same time as if it were able to build my own.
so long ago that no one comes to me I've lost the desire to see someone ... Too tired to

eat ... too hungry to sleep.

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depressed world


Yesterday I fell asleep with the rain and raining today I woke up.

The truth is that time seemed to be laughing at me, after so many days could finally go out into the sun and as always, my dear Murphy to show up.
It's funny, but sometimes when I get lost in the streets, I fantasize conversations with him impossible. Usually I ask my explanations of misfortune, but before he could obtain my dreams fade into raucous laughter, or perhaps in the horn of the seat ibiza on duty.

As I was saying, the day dawned gray but that does not stop me from immersing myself in my daily chores, going to do a few errands and despite the rain to escape my house if only to go to the supermarket.

I missed, I missed my people, who already knew the streets and corners that did not want to find out ... and the worst thing he did not want to find me.

I felt that I was haunted by a shadow, and suddenly, to turn the bend of a narrow street I was confronted with his memory, with our childish promises of eternal love, our kisses clumsy and night, the smell of snuff and that rolling words whispered softly in my ear, words I knew were not true but at that moment I longed to hear.

It's funny but I never really thought about it, it's like from the beginning, I had merely to let bygones be bygones and bury all the time, as if it never existed, as if he never made that mistake.

remember the first thing to go was the touch of your hands, then fled the sparkle in his eyes, the sound of his voice and the last thing I left was the smell ...

Like him, everything around him faded quickly, I barely had time to say goodbye to this relationship but the truth is that only began to react to get rid of all traces that had left my house ... covering them under layers of indifference and coldness, concealing what was actually doing and I've never wanted to say ... I really felt vulnerable, I was dying to have had someone with whom to vent that night, a shoulder to mourn a friend who get drunk and arms in which to curl up safe ... maybe that's why I never shed any tears of pride not to admit that "I told you so" that does not stop rattling in my head or by the simple fact that I always wanted to make me strong but never has given me well.

The truth is that I do not know why I'm saying this ... has already spent time and pisses me off having to remember a detestable person under floripondio a fucking umbrella wettest Saturday of the year, fuck me admit that I am alone, lost and vulnerable, but what bothers me is that a guy admit I've been hurt ... again.

And I could not tell if you miss it, because it sounds really disgusting and I never wanted ... was fond of, I do not deny, and had a good time with him ... but never got to love it and if I stayed with him was because being so, in the arms of someone I whispered "I love you" when I wanted to hear, could return to being me, being happy and carefree that Vicky, who apparently needs a fucking asshole to his side to be confident, so in I did everything short of pure selfishness, because I am a lovely person as some believe ... I'm just a spoiled child and in this case, he is not the bad guy ... it did not do things as it should, but it is clear that I did not.
not even know why I write this here, I am not ada to explain but I guess I needed to vent I do not know, these days are getting damn long ...

has not send me away, I guess my head is totally fucked up as ever.

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I'm worried ... Yesterday I went to the hospital with my mother and me as we walked uncle gave a commentary "these obsessed, If you are an anorexic "the worst is that I felt that his words had not reprimanded but concern ... I think my mother is realizing this.
had long since I had monitored the food and stuff, but do not know. .. I am concerned that this destroys the relationship that I'm starting to have with her because, basically destroying the families eating disorders ... and mine is already bad enough for it to be so selfish to destroy it ... but I
when em said I was angry that I took it as an attack and I snapped across the face if he was so was her fault, that if I was obsessed with my weight is because she has been like a lifetime, a diet in another, complaining about all this ... I immediately said that was nonsense, that she was not so obsessed like me and probablemnte be true, as true as it was the trigger for my madness. After
of the revision, in which the doctor told me I was thinner and more beautiful, we went to look at clothes and I was pretty depressed watching what you see the size 34 the other side ... I would kill for that size.
In a store I tried on some pants and a skirt and I were so bad I thought I was going to take to mourn, the listless estube rets in the afternoon and my mother noticed ... I said if I put so we would not go shopping together, but to me that I did not care ...
When I got home I almost burst into tears and I did nothing to eat ... is completely absurd and contradictory: I am obese and as>. \u0026lt;What goes head? Since I can not use mine for the operation (although frankly as vomit emnso better) took laxatives ...
This morning I ordered the entire room and the closet, I ate only an apple and my mother, because she kept looking at me ... and we'll see the dinner, because it's the behind the ear MSOC
-.- Well, I hope you do better than me
Many low-calorie kisses my princess!

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Screenplay, life (ie, conflict)

Review classes Pedro and Javier. Since then the script of a film or series is no less complicated or easier than a novel or story. I have to do homework, I have not had time, I've been long overdue.

The conflict, provided the conflict, without conflict there is no script. No life, I think, is the same. One of the guides to writing novels Alba was the same, "Designing the conflict narrative" fabric.

Wednesday analyze an episode of "Friends." Like it or not, but, says Javier, the script for this series is a perfect clockwork, I love it. Construction of each act, the turning points, new terms and techniques, then dialogue, dialogue must be written up, you die ... What is so good dialogue "Friends", fresh, agile, great.

I have to think visually and I harder than I thought. I still stuck to the way I have to write that novel or story, above, are not good, toddlers around, hours that I need to take, and make sure you try. Too many things going? Maybe.

frames and objectives of the characters, plot primary and secondary , perhaps one that we can qualify filling. Objectives . Objectives. Each character has a goal or not getting real or apparent, is also key in a script. Interesting this.

I enjoy it all as a child, but I do not work enough. Perhaps it is a conflict Or lack of time is only one problem and not a conflict? Are different concepts ...

will see "Sonanmbula" by Fernando Spiner today at the Script Factory. Peter recalled the other day. I had not seen "Groundhog Day"-though I saw it in their day-had to see it last week. Like every Friday, we get a film that then works, without which the course is not good. No learning without demand. But the lack of time is a conflict or is only a problem? What if it were simply an excuse ...? Well

. I go to the field to write, I have to write, I want, I need ...

If the garden, roof, and left me money. Rain, they say. Well, I hope.

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Runaway Bride (or can not trust anyone)

happy to present to his family. "It's about time" someone said. Were very happy all the natural in such cases. Birthday party, no less than 50, not to celebrate. Eating in the garden, fifteen guests and two piglets managers who had to collect in the nearby wineries. "Honey, many Thanks for volunteering to go looking, you do not know please make me ... "Confident gave him his Visa card and password, I never had money in hand. She was preparing salads. Gave the 2, then 2.30. The 3 rang the bell of the church of San Cristobal. "Relax, cousin just gave notice to the meritorious to immediately stop a guy who looked like a Basque who drives a station wagon with the Confederate flag on one side, two tostones in the trunk and a stolen card."

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Hospitalized Suspect. Operation Bikini



Well, that ... I could not follow my plan of the previous post because on Monday I started to bleed from the throat, at first I thought it was nothing and I swallowed the blood, thought it was a simple hemorrágea to cut up ... but over time I realized that no, he was bleeding too much and that this did not stop.
I got home and mentioned it to my parents, as they finished eating they took me to the ER, I thought "that well, I will not eat today"
I arrived at the hospital and after a first review (which I did a lot damage) reported that they would take me to comment and I would enter.
At that time I think my nmadre gave him something, s epuso pale and had to leave to take the air, he burst into tears ... gave me lots of grief, but when he said "mom that you will join me is me, and you look like the sick," laughed and we were able to calm some of the tension. Once
observation boxers met Marta, a young girl who had just taken out the title of nursing assistant. It was super nice, we connected the moment and I was glad to have someone more or less my age with whom to speak. Gonzalo also met a guy that was doing quite mono practices.
The hours intrined made me lying on that stretcher, after a time I started talking to other patients, a young man who was nothing, a white-haired gentleman and his wife, both very nice (the lady reminded me of my grandmother) and a middle-aged man, who apparently was a famous flamenco singer.
The older man had given him something in the heart, apparently suffered enough of it, and the famous do not know, he said it was sugar and blood pressure but by what he said was something cerebral Marta ... I certainly do not rule it out because he spoke quite rare, auqneu this does not prevent him from talking on the phone (it is prohibited in hospitals because they interfere with the machines) despite the personal quarrels.
At nine or so they told me they had to have surgery, apparently in the previous operation of tonsils to the ten days had formed a crust that was a sort of detached coábulo Devi desanfraría burn or me ... in fact I was already dizzy and all for the loss of blood ...
About ten or eleven (in the hospital lost track of time) I went to the operating room where I slept, I did the operation and lavage to remove all snagre he had swallowed.
Then I went to the ICU where my conscience excasos let me know John, a Canadian and a crazy little woman who just had twins.
spent enough time between pain and calmntes up llevraon me into the room, there kept saying that it hurt and was going to throw qe (not why) until I got Primperan for nausea and calming ...
The next day I woke up better, my poor mother had stayed with me all night and morning brought me magazines, and anything to entertain me (for the first time in my life I realized that it is a solace woman) The days went slow and boring, they brought me food and I had to eat ... I think that and have the intravenous drip day and night was the worst ...
Today I got home and the first thing I did was drame super relaxing shower ... and not much else to say, that unfortunately will be missing classes T ^ T and eating until next Monday but I can not do anything to uu perefiero Staying recover well and then worry about it ^ ^
it sounds amazing in the hospital had each and every one of the PUTA ate kcal OBSESSION! the good thing is that I can eat those little things and I book ...
do not know, I guess this time in the hospital, though short, not only have helped me realize how important it is to appreciate the little things of everyday life, being optimistic, because a lot of people are in worse situations to yours, to assess the youth and love and understanding above all else has my mother, who was with me from minute one ... has shown me that although we emntalidades different and clashes often I want and I've learned to love it:)
with my parents is another story but good lol

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In cafes, swings and bad temper

I return to reading at home, there are seven now, much less. We continue with another of the rooms in "The Living Forest" that both entertains us. After-sin Finally, watch out for the next Tuesday, the story of "Manin" in Clarin, a very nice bum giving you grief. And then the beginning of "Mendel, the books" by Zweig. The description makes Gluck coffee we get into the environment. It's funny how the narrator recalls the figure of the old Jewish way of reading that moving from front to back, soft balancing is attached to the study and memorization of sacred texts and Mendel then holds when reading. I remember at school in Spain before singing the multiplication tables or soniquete to recite some poems. It is interesting how the rhythm, tone, music or movement, they have to do with memory and text, with learning or how we approach the word or concept.

recall, rather remind them, the cafes of Madrid, and a few remain, the Business, the Gijon, Lyon, on the east, etc. Wonder what the difference is between a café and a cafeteria and Narciso answer "Coffee is owned by the customers, is his place in the cafeterias is different ..." We laugh because it's true. Then count how previously wrote in cafes, was the place of work of many writers. Gonzalo talks about some literary circles of Madrid, Narciso how they used prior to accompany home and walked and walked up to leave whoever was home, there was another sense of time and education, commented. We ended

Quevedo and a couple of his poems with very bad idea. How very English is bad milk.

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Relativism with Ramiro

javier ignacio says:
- Ah, Agaton said, do not think, Socrates, that freaks me out so much applause from the theater, you can ocultárseme that a wise man's trial a few wise is more formidable than a multitude of ignorant.
people talk more than you know
that's a big problem
Ramiro says
is just me
was raised recently in a recital of
place yourself incubus cover band? Javier ignacio
says if

Ramiro says: javier
and played nadal

graduate school in 2008
javier ignacio says Sebastian

brother Ramiro says:
if
javier ignacio says how nice name
having
Ramiro says

then was something that ended every song the band
and the applause was so monotone and generic
that seemed (if not) call me
compliance javier says:
ajajajajaja
that teacher that you are
Ramiro says:
for? My name is javier
says
like?
to think and say those things
Ramiro says:
ahh haha \u200b\u200b

only through chat and messaging
so I'm slower to think when I say my name is javier
says
happens to me is exactly the same
I have thought a disgrace
that is slow compared to writing the spoken word
Ramiro says:
is so
the other day I exposed a disease for the language class
call me Javier says that illness
'
? Ramiro
says

ah haha \u200b\u200bI hung

PERMANENTLY use the "say" when I talk

what happened was that I went to give a lecture on a text by Italo Calvino
had to do an analysis of what he said in
that text that talked about his methods for writing
progressed rather than
class until they begin to hear the laughter of my classmates and everyone saying "say, say, say"
and the teacher to humiliate me
term my name is javier says:
aajaj
Ramiro says
My name is javier
says
how well they did all
is horrible to hear the same thing
say that
heeeee Ramiro says: I'm used

call me javier says:
now we can only hope that things go well
Argentina is improving
I go through a gymnasium ravaged by the eighties and nineties
I had the opportunity to learn about italo calvino
perhaps especially
my fault or that of those who take as an influence
who knows ...
but the fact is that I see things are better

hit and you see
Ramiro says: mmm

I like how things are at least

school the only thing that my blood boil

nose is that if your time spent
groups that are in the course of the players

the "GCC" etc

call me javier says:
also spent
I dare say that is normal in any group normal and good

normal and productive, for better division of labor talk


Put it another way I football I can not say much because I do not care if they know
football had to talk to me for the mere fact of continuing something that is considered good
they get bored and I do not understand
then everyone joins
who are interested and so one has more fun
could tell me, and perhaps this would be right
is good to have some interdisciplinary
if the GCC secretary of sports does not know what's going on with football will not make good policy
but I think that dialogue if there is in college maybe you
around you mean that we are all one Gymnas
union and others ...
is well
worry about it if you do not people like you that union that exists especially among the group of perhaps gymnasistas
deteriorates Ramiro says: mmm

call me javier says:
but I am no relativist
I like to force things
Ramiro says
my
I also was not adherent relativism
until I had a professor gabriel gonzalez
entered after you left
is the father of
alvo gonzalez luis javier says call me: you look
..
professor of what?
Ramiro says:
philosophy history of science and sociology
in history of science
talk about the various entities that exist

such dogmatic morality

relativistic morality and morality based on reason
the problem we have with
is that it is totally subjective to talk

atheist to handle all kinds speaks ill of the church call me
javier says:
ajajajajajaja
Ramiro says:
so now we can say beforehand what kind of flowers I shot a dogmatic moral
later, with the moral relativist

he explained that we can not base our
moral relativism because if everything is a special case
could not, for example, put a point in the
religions gave us the example of
Islamists who follow customs as the veil on women and, in some cases, mutilation as a form of payment for your crimes
and says that thanks to relativism, it can be told "no, bullshit, why I can not see the face of that woman? " My name is javier
says is right


clear but for me each with his own
whether the practice of them is that I have no opinion why
First, I have no way to say
poruqe would say, first, speak their language
would need to understand the world the way they understand
is, I should have brought in their culture that is almost virtually
impossible ..
then I can not say ...
maybe I'm jumping to conclusions too fast without giving reasons

not that many foundations have to offer my arguments are scarce

although I think a lot on the issue
be very uncomfortable
relativist can not say anything for sure
all is "perhaps .."
"relativism is consuming all my ideas" wrote
once in the wall of my apartment
perhaps on a whim I love being me
contreras
relativism only allows me to change my mind as fast as you have a new opponent on the other hand

the more I find out what step before I existed
(if they exist)
more I realize that everything changes
nothing more than general conclusions about a story
general conclusions are based on a fixed base
departing from a way of understanding the
specific world in our
Thomistic Aristotelian tradition

Kant and other philosophers have influenced how the teachers of our country
but I think if we had other things mental categories could be seen another way to reach other conclusions

or rather, not to draw conclusions

because the fact of reaching a conclusion and is an epistemological procedure
default then.
my dream is to understand things differently
and educate my children and students who have the luck to have a future in a different way
to come out finally someone who says different things that just me
Relativism allows course

relativism sometimes leads me to say that what the Nazis did was a problem in mid-twentieth century
or what miliatares did in Argentina in 70 was a historical contingency
that have had their reasons for doing things that sound
bad
that much
hit me and I have to go out with formal resources

as saying the military was not
dismal, because they were inconsistent
his actions were inconsistent with each other
were Catholics but sinned
were military but not put on their boots when they had to film with the English and few other inocherencias
more
But notice that
ramiro New
'm justifying value judgments based on a formal procedure

consistency or coherence was also invented by
a group of philosophers is not the consistency is something different than the duty to tell the truth or to not damage the projico or respond to the orders of superior

then all my thoughts were consumed
and I have nothing to say

clear that everything was invented, nothing has a certain basis
true, I say, that does not change immutable

inalienable universal

as the precepts of the Koran, the Bible

as
Kantian moral or human rights today
1948 I can only say that we are all part of nature
morality is a product of nature as man, the inventor, but so is
! Javier

go causality habib is saying this in 2010
2011,
year waiver is fashionable to say that things are a product of nature
then we will walk all think that we deal with and try to say interesting things, saying that everything is natural
and four or five centuries ago walked all saying that the world revolved around the human being
atropocentrismo
I am also a product of contingency conditions
things going .. I hope not having confused

Jaaaaa
Ramiro says

if I understand what I do not appear on
relativism is "forgive"
things that happened only because they had their reasons
as your example of the Nazis or military
course each had their reasons
alright do what you want

queres maim by an entity that does not even know if it existed?
want to live in a different way to your neighbor across the street? "
perfect
nobody tells you not to
but there is not the problem
the problem is while rolling over the other ...

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of pruning the payment and death

The garden has interesting debates and conflicting positions on a wide variety of topics. The pruning of one of them. There are supporters of pruning and others who shudder at the idea, or tell you what to remove a tree, it seems mortal sin.

I just know that if we pruned yours before now may not be so bad, I do not know if the recover. Tamarind are almost dry, but some hope and we will remove only the dead branches, see how they behave over the coming months. Poplars grow very well here, even too much, as you do not watch the birth of a small poplar and nailed it to you if you walk barefoot or you stumble upon it if you're not careful. They have large roots that are increasing as they grow, a problem that threatens at times to the pool if they are close. A tree is a bit ungainly, but appreciative and welcoming. For him wander blackbirds, collared doves and magpies, before and now wandering residents. In contrast, the black redstart and blackbirds prefer the quince and other small trees or shrubs, the first even the white wall surrounding the garden. Instead Washerwomen always in the pool liner drinking and wagging his tail. My aunt has a huge poplar tree with a colony of finches of the most earthy.

What to do with a tree that comes too close to another? "Remove it? I'm sorry. And those who give too much shade to a clothesline? Overthrew Albert, Hope, two were already dead cypress trees, pruned Carlos one of the remaining, let's see if they hold the survivors.

The garden of my parents is very thin tree trunks and many branches that extend above, some more than eight meters long, bony fingers as carvings of Gregorio Fernández de la nature. Struggling to live, but end up looking like poplars and elms a legion of beggars as they are weak, malnourished and hungry.

"How long has Vdes. do not pay? "I felt like at the dentist, lying Carlos de Wet, the expert, like when you ask how long ago you do not get a clean mouth. It seems we pay still not too late for that.

On Sunday we saw a stork perched next to the pool of my uncles. She stood very still, we glanced at from afar, then his own. Surely seek a tadpole. So I realized the view that African air is and why it seems so exotic foreigners.

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At the moment my life needs so I decided to order me a planing.

Monday to Friday

7:3 or wake up, get ready for school, breakfast, black coffee with saccharin (if I can not with my soul) 8:00
leave. 8:15
going to class. 11:15
recreation (no breakfast) 11:45
back to class
2:45 3:00
class output homecoming, lunch (try to slip away, drinking a liter of water, take the pills)
3:30: end of "eating" and go to 5:30 to take a rest
infusion study
8:15 to finish school and get things ready the next day even
8:30 9:30
exercise shower, relax, take pills, drink a quart of water and take an infusion go
11:30


sleep Friday

7:3 or wake up, get ready for school, breakfast, black coffee with saccharin (if I can not with my soul) 8:00
leave. 8:15
going to class. 11:15
recreation (no breakfast)
11:45 vuelta a clase
2:45 salida de clase
3:00 llegada a casa, comida (intentar escabullirme, beber un litro de agua, tomar las pastillas)
3:30: terminar de "comer" e ir a descansar, ducharme y arreglarme (tiempo libre)
5:30 coger el autobús
12:00 coger el autobús
12:30 llegar a casa, desmaquillarme y dormir.

Sábado

10:30. despertarme, tomar pastillas.
11:00 ejercicio
12:00 estudiar
2:00-2:30 "comer"
3:00 descansar, ducharme y arreglarme
5:30 coger el autobús
12:00 coger el autobús
12:30 llegar a casa, desmaquillarme y dormir.

Sunday

10:30. wake up, take pills. 12:00 11:00

year study
2:00 to 2:30 "eat"
3:00 rest, shower and get ready
5:30 8:15
study to finish school and get things ready the next day two 9:30 8:30

exercise shower, relax, take pills, drink a quart of water and take an infusion (Leisure Time) 11:30


bedtime is abolished alcohol and becomes the dictatorship of snuff and sugarless gum.

start tomorrow. :)

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Among Tuscan convent and Midwifery

The garden of my parents in Boecillo (Valladolid), where we have the house, there is an air of Tuscany, but so dark and secluded suggests in some cloisters. In the late 70's that managed the barn, the bread basket, and made it habitable as a dwelling, planted in the wasteland around him who pines, poplars, tamarisk, feather Santa Teresa and other trees and shrubs. My father died at 88, followed by the garden in the hands of my mother. "Conchita, where you going?" my uncle asked him after lunch, he left shot, "I'm going to water the garden." This has been years and years, watering the garden until it was too old.

For three decades have worked the garden and I have looked everyone in my family except me, who was not even enrolled me boecillenses studies that say my brothers. Paco and Irene especially after Josiane, who has maintained the garden for the past three summers and especially the past when my mother died. And Charles, the pastor, who has been the unofficial gardener, but they have been pampered with care from 70, helping out, saying that here or there had to trim or do this or that. Carlos is an institution in Boecillo and deserves not an entry in a log, but a whole book dedicated to him. Wrote at the time something is a mine life and literary. Yesterday I brought a bird in a bag "See, you who know ... what is it?" I had no idea, I had not seen and the Peterson guide to lose my hand. "A cuckoo clock is a cute ..." he said. And he began to speak to Rafa, the husband of Bridget, the queers (magpies, are called fags around here) that attack the cuckoo lays eggs in nests that others do.

Life takes many turns, and as today I am the least busy person in my family, which has fewer responsibilities and more time at the moment, this Easter I can take a look and see how goes the garden my parents. It was time to do something. May we

a bit a few weeks ago, first the son of Hope, Alberto, yours were brown and dry, so thick that marred. Carlos then followed him with the ax-ax handle or simple knife is a joy, "I did something with scissors to other plants (lack of practice: a blister by rookie). I have also tried to find out what happens to the elms, which seemed to have something but it was not aphid aphid, but as an egg inside, "dents" is called a fungus. I went to see another Charles, Wet, gave me a solution, let's see how it is working. I worry about the tamarind, the santolinas have died, tied Arbor rosemary, ivy crossed the wall, we should remove it, says Carlos.

On Sunday I celebrated my 50 birthday in the garden of my parents, now my brothers and me. We ate fried plantains and salad, ice cream and birthday cake, drank Ribera de Duero, also years met my cousin, we went 15 to the table, rather than celebrate it, a tough year and it has been difficult.

I hope to help maintain what so lovingly planted my parents and have cared for my brothers and Irene, Charles and Josie. I am enrolled in college over gardens and field studies, core and elective, hopefully not too late and I admitted to test.

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Disappointed.


Today I got so disappointed and angry with myself ... Why? Yesterday my parents forced me to eat ... was horrible, I took laxatives (because I can not throw up) but I still felt horrible ... with lots of vomit.
was probably all mental, but I felt like the food he wanted to "climb" up my throat ... I do not know, sometimes I think I'm losing my mind ...
do not know if you ever happen that you have spent several days without eating and then you have gone to bed:
a) You have not slept all night (very normal)
b) All night was eating and vomiting in a dream ... god! is horrible, because I wake up Have you eaten? and I have not done, but it is as if afraid has it ...

all very strange, I could no longer escape from it even if wanted to, because every day, every minute, every second I think of my weight in food, as I look horrible ... I put the TV and I look at all the girls on the street, at the mall, internet, reading or drawing even my thoughts just go in that direction ...
And I think, Have I finally lost the few papers that I had? Phew do not know, but probablemnte the fact that being aware of that and still "love" this way of life, I think responded quite positively to that question.

Tomorrow I make the check in the hospital and probably I weigh ... I do not want: s but I want to stop a sore throat and>. \u0026lt;also I can not even play sports because it hurts!
I decided to stop drinking alcohol, I love but fat lot and, frankly, to see a drunken woman is not attractive ... about smoking pufff I wonder how many of my cigars have been the last ... in fact at this point, if not for the fucking graganta, light a cigarette, closer to the lips and the first puff would let my concerns be pulled into ethereal spirals of smoke, which fade into the sun, and disappear with the breeze ... need to sit at the roof at sunset, I need a cigarette ... need to be perfect.

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throat with red.




Since it was the anesthesia after surgery and I'm seeing stars every second and without the need to be at night.
The days between pain and analgesics, and my mother chasing me to eat something, juice, yogurt, some broth, cream, custard, ice cream ... and I well, saying that I have taken something or hurts me too, I can not even drink water. (Which in some ways is not entirely false)
But it haunts me too! I look at the calories in everything, and frankly, I removed the urge ... also and my throat hurts like crazy, not eating is not exactly a sacrifice for me, but quite the opposite.
Yesterday I went down to Seville with my parents, this was Palm Sunday, a party related to Easter.
Here especially is very important not only for people but for all Seville Cristano "chapel" that price, which of course will be decked out in his suit jacket, vest, shirt and tie (if male) or wedding dress dubious, pamela, makeup and heels and matching handbag (for women) do not care 35 º in the shade, or in the street does not fit a pin ... Sevillians always willing to follow a mannequin surrounded by gold and velvet in the streets! I respect him a lot ... but much respect it seems to me absurd and hypocritical, people complain of strategies in crisis and then restaurants are full uu lso
Anyway, that went out with my parents, I dressed up and everything (well em put a dress and wedges) not because it was Palm Sunday, but had long porqeu stuck at home that I wanted to dress up girlfriend lol
Although later the truth is that I was sorry ... You have never mounted emtro and you felt the fattest person in the world? I felt for so ... I was simply ashamed of strategies in the street, the clothes suddenly seemed absurd, ridiculous and too summer (although it was hot) and was not wearing socks in ... suspenders I wanted to die.
At noon we sat on the terrace of a bar, my parents asked to eat and I could hardly swallow a sip of water.
We stayed there, they were eating, I watched as people devoured (felt like vomiting and stomach too empty) until I felt too bad and we went home, which cost us his own because the streets were cut to the fucking steps (with respect) and the seats reserved for people who paid (we now have to pay up to see it or to pass on the street).
When we took the subway was coriosísimo, because the outward toward the center was packed, and the back home almost empty.
I arrived and did not change me, threw me on the couch, took off my shoes, I took the pain medication and fell asleep until some friends came to visit. Moreover
all right, enough throat hurts but not to eat the escusaperfecta ... sound crazy but I do not know if I want to recover jajajaja

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Notes and post-operative




Well sooooo good days have passed since my last actu and I have many things to say.
On the one hand and notes I received my lucky T ^ T I have not been any but they are quite low, some have gone up, in others I keep and some I have lost>. \u0026lt;but hey, auqnue this quarter is short (only eight weeks) will give it all to catch up and raise the average.
Moreover, on Thursday I had surgery of the tonsils and respiratory something called "concha", the operation was simple and no anesthesia because I heard nothing. Waking
was just a little sore and the corners of his mouth bloodied, my mother was there and we talked for a while until I panicked because they are stuck in that hospital.
I hurried on departure I went to the track for serum fantastic and I had to take it off again I made a head crazy!
A few hours after my friends came back home to visit (they are a charm) and chocolate ice cream I trageron ù.ú bad idea ...
I spent some time with them and dismissed them, leaving the anestexia because I had put in the hospital the pain began to become unbearable ... And so I
surviving these days, based on painkillers.
Best of all this? is the perfect excuse to not have to eat.
The worst? It hurts and a lot>. \u0026lt;But I have to be strong! I'm also bad with the rule so I have to fuck em twice>. \u0026lt;
Well, I do not know what else to say besides that this afternoon I'm going with my mother to see Little Red Riding Hood red to a movie and little more ... and spent some time mother and daughter although I can not talk lol
Otherwise (and even less weight) I damn obese!!
Many kisses love!

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Midwife or sage femme, I think it says so in France, I saw it on some websites, rather than to put down notary "sage femme."

I have not given birth or have been pregnant, but the work of someone who helps another is born and is next to who shines round me for years. Listen to and identify the signs of nature they say that someone comes, that is coming, animate and encourage the mother, always take second place or third or fourth, is the child who has and who has been in belly and call him son, daughter.

Midwife, a good paper with interesting streaks. Many jobs, many jobs are to be next, quite simply, not be called neither father nor mother of anything or anyone, knowing that life passes you by, that was done and done, but you have not begotten, nor education, or hold, only encouraged. Know the signs and when he had to push, but the real effort is only the mother and the life that makes its way through the birth canal.

Midwife, wise and silent woman is next to two lives, supporting. Juli

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Miss Amelia, Miss Juli

Yesterday Mayor and Amalia are two of the teachers of Montealto, had them at about ten or eleven years old, an age in which, at least before the girls were receptive and malleable. Dictations, a great learning tool. "Today dictation" said Amelia, and we all became very nervous. Miss Amelia helped us a bit by saying the "b" and "v" than to give us a clue in case. Biting pen. "Miss, do not go so fast, I can not follow ..." I just dictation and Amelia drove him to write on the board or was that someone did and she was correcting on the fly. And you realize where you've failed. Now I doubt it, was Amelia who did it this way or was Valery Douglas, in English, another teacher of the unforgettable? Amelia was dark, sallow, thin, black hair sharp nose. Juli was plump and sweeter, we are also taught, although I can not remember what, just remember his pleasant presence and affection. "Miss, miss, I'm peeing ... I can go to the bathroom?" "Well, okay ..." The cold chill of the hallway, the bathroom even more soulless, the highest smoking in a corner to hide. Came back to class, warm sunshine streamed through the window and April stretched.

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Kolya (Love as an invader)

The script course I'm doing, beyond classes Tuesday and Wednesday, every Friday we see a different movie. The latter saw "Kolya," a production of 1996 Super Czechoslovakia.

The argument is as follows. A musician of 40 or 50 years, Franta Louka, who plays at funerals (more cremations)-was expelled from an orchestra, a womanizer, and lonely because he wants to, browning of letters in cemeteries, and serious economic problems, accepts a marriage of convenience with a young Russian. These are the years of perestroika, the Russians remain for the time in Czechoslovakia. The fact is that Russia will fall away and the child Franka 5 years without eating or drinking it. Kolya, the little Russian, so invasive in the tower literally home to Czech musician.


This movie has many and deep veins, and a serene pace, smiles and some tears. The excitement in some eastern European countries is shown in an elegant, smooth and unobtrusive and therefore more effective than if it were to fuss. Love is sometimes armed or peaceful invasion that occurs in youth or in adulthood, where, because somebody is installed gradually or suddenly making its way. In this case is a child who speaks only Russian and no one understood. Again, often the invader does not speak our own language, it is a different, but somehow just broken. Miran

eyes Louka Kolya is not intended to be a hero or like a puppy lifting the head under the table and calling out the nose love, food. There's more, a fever of 42 degrees, lost in the subway and the inappropriateness of any self-respecting child.

The final is the real spring arrives just when the wall fell. Franta Louka returns to play in a big orchestra and not the dead. And the invasion, the two invasions, cease to be, but they have left their mark. Life always finds its way, and loneliness as well-argued defense breaks down when he invades worth, come armed or naked, take 5 years or when in the thirties, or even surf in the womb of a woman with legs too pretty and a voice that is not made to sing to death.

Kolya is definitely a sweet movie, very funny and attention to detail, a jewel worth.

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Narciso Sitting at the door waiting day and night. Tell me and I see him when I arrived, there permanently, waiting.

"I had myself a very large library, but when I came I gave it to a warehouse where they keep ...

His voice breaks as he always speaks and ends up in bankruptcy, in a silent sob. Narciso believes that his wife died recently and is inconsolable, speaks of what is spoken just mentioned. His recent death makes it unbearable. Then his eyes aguan and drops a tear, just one, slowly through left cheek and goes to the collar of his plaid shirt.

read "The Living Forest", we do so a couple of weeks. That fraga nearly smell, the sounds of the sea and the rain makes the forest, homesickness and cats free of Fame Marica, so many unforgettable characters. Then more of the Pardo Bazán, by Mark Twain "Diary of Adam and Eve", Medardo Fraile precious stories about school, legend of Becquer, we are left in the middle of Seville organist, go engaging narrative. Narciso

at 6.30 and you want to go, says he has to eat or that comes to find someone.


"Well if you go you we ran out of men please do not go ...

Gallantry liked. It is a bit longer at my side.

Before I read to him alone, when the ladies were arriving and we were not all. Cotta

I called on the phone.

Jesus, send me that poem of yours, I need to read it to someone ...

blackberry rang, the message came quickly. I read slowly "Last Will" just for him. A Narcissus fell out then two tears, not once, twice. Then we enter the fraga all the moisture and humility of their trees.

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EXAMS

PUUUUFFF qyeda and little and you have to make the last stretch ... I am not very happy as I have left some tests and I'm playing enough to be proud of the few subjects that can still be saved from the cataclysm. uu "Tomorrow exhibition
genetic language test (I hate the syntax) and writing English (worst study ever have to go over the vocabulary if I want to arrange the slaughter of Monday)
Thursday Latin, which is part of chunga of verbs, morphological variations and more shit (it gives me fatal) and oral French. In the afternoon go to the doctor T ^ T
Friday Latin translation and review of the history of the crisis of the 30 (is facilitated in truth)
term on Monday pending a review of philosophy AND HOLIDAYS!
ASCAZO THAT! I do not think that this review take too many good grades in the third so I will see the hair because I have to have an average 8'7
T ^ T So take what little we will see lately hahahaha
With morning and .. mia stumbled, sometimes good and sometimes bad but I have no time to agoviarme for that (although I am going to throw up before etsudiar)

Kisses and wish me luck before my head explodes!!

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Narciso and sorrow "darling" (and 7. The dessert waiting)

"You not want to be a brat, right? "

Every morning I look in the mirror and I turn to ask the same question. That also sounds "Caprichos no" demanding of my childhood.

As my grandmother, I am able to tell others what happens before and I dare to name, but sometimes it costs me and shake something. A woman opens her eyes to sleep, also with curiosity and hope. I, there is nothing more nor anyone else at that hour in the house. It's who I am, Laura, Laura alone and in front, watching.

Life is there for not giving us what we want, secret what we all desire. Sometimes it can be a fleeting illusion, others is constant thumping to the beat of the heart when solitude is a gap that grows and becomes larger. Then you sniffling and tears still fall. Without anger and calm now know well that I can say "No, Grandma, I'm not a brat" as I sit at the table of the largest and as an appetite so every day is on the plate. Perhaps at the top of the cupboard waiting for me even dessert with glass lid that without that I can still reach .

-----------------

(End of "darling", the whole story is Trabalibros. Thanks for reading and comments).

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Videos: documental anorexia. Bits


Hello my princess! How about everything? I'm here, well, his body full of energy and a completely empty stomach:)
These days I'm doing pretty well, but frankly I can not decide anything in the studies concentrate T ^ T do not know what happens but I'm pretty discouraged at that aspect, in fact carry a week that do not give foot with ball ... E
CMC exam today was pathetic, I mixed a lot of concepts and it has been typical out the examination with a bad taste in the mouth and when put together with my colleagues, feel that you hit the skid of course ... but hey, I'm not overwhelmed by an examination of anything ^ ^ (I hope to have a cinquillo menso)
Tomorrow I have a test in French and guess I have not studied nadaaa! I will start studying soon and I will take it clear what I can for now What can I do otherwise? I'm getting a bad student! (Taking into account that they have been responsible for one week XD) Well
not know what else to tell ... apart from that every day I'm more disgustingly obese ... not technically good, but every day it's like I discovered a new and disgusting default ... Last night, I kept dreaming desu ate and I felt bad about it ... took all night eating and vomiting in a dream I'm going to go crazy!

I leave a gift, yesterday i was watching some videos online that I would like vieseis. I encourage
Some more, others will back you ... frankly I would prefer that opened many eyes ... to me instead encouraged me more to continue with this what undoubtedly must be a sign that every day I'm more crazy ...


was ask a question on a documentary called THIN (thin), audio latino, which follows the lives of a handful of girls in a treatment clinic against anorexia. Although I think that the proposed treatment and carried out for these ill women is not right, treat them like criminals, they recorded their stuff, call them liars, put them against him, expel those who do not fit the system d to take place, and above costs a fortune. If people are so good why the air when they stop paying? Frankly, on the one hand I think it's great that there are people who successfully recover from this disease, on the other, this disease needs to track.
In Spain, tracked for five years and is not considered that you can give the patient discharged from hospital to ten, however there is a kind of community flats "where patients with marked improvements can stay, living with other patients and under the regular supervision of a specialist.
In my opinion, and always after having passed the risk period is the best option, since this can lead a normal lifestyle, integrating slowly and without being treated like criminals.
One of the girls committed suicide, but did not say, and many others have not recovered. This is not the proper treatment.

Hope you like it here and let your opinion of the video ^ ^ many kisses!

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shortly leave another video related to bulimia.

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"darling" (6. Vermont)

"I am woman for you, John. You know already, as I do ... "

She was doing a favor for getting ahead. If there was another kind of woman, would have allowed it was he who had to take the plunge or wait for his infidelity to break through a cause as is so often done out of laziness or fear. But not me. It is the vision of my grandmother or your strength that I also inherited. Or maybe it's my pride, another kind of fear or lack of desire to pledge to something or someone, self background that John was accused, knowing that I can reach sufficient without one by my side despite the loneliness that from small crawl. We

one last weekend together in Vermont in a friend's house knowing that the two ended. We could not reproach us no harm, treat us with something that looked like love. Perhaps it was. Thanks to that we retain the affection and friendship twenty three years after. We do not see much, but we call from time to time. "How are you going?", "I have been out the last two years," "No, do not go out with anyone lately," You know I can count on me for whatever you want ... "

John helped me a lot. It is true that another child was capricious and spoiled. With women no exception. An unsettled romantic life, with constant fluctuations in their late forties, is confirmation of what I saw in him and made me leave. Up close, the intimacy, a common capricious, a global standard dumb or lazy or simple amateurs, tend to be easier for someone like him living, ever more complicated. Instead, John had a different weight, more nuance and depth, and loneliness trembling deep inside that made you love him. The vacuum background nudity and sadness slowly you discover in some men apparently immovable is what makes you want when you're not in love.

He was my first serious boyfriend, who told me bluntly, in the face. He made me sit at the table as the others, like real adults, and eating with gusto, with no need for I were asked or expected. Maybe not in the ways that my grandmother would have wanted, eat everything, even soup, which horrified me. John, I'm sure, would have given my dog \u200b\u200bTana without the knowledge of elders, and above, running well, then putting elbows on the table with her smile defiant.

was so John and has not changed hardly. Today I remembered seeing him in the salmon pages of the country in an interview that they did, their weakness rather safe behind the words, few and strong always laying down the law.

-----

Excerpt from "darling" Trabalibros full text.

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"darling" (5. Maldita consciousness)

soon came to discover that John was also another kind of capricious and that, despite its facade, shared with several global stupid ways and means. At that time there was still money for repaying the loan was the master. Neither parent had a well-placed to go. Both circumstances seemed to make different and better, a man of truth against both brat, but also more ambitious to achieve what others had by birth. It was so whimsical in a sense a mature, adult, used to do his holy will, because he had trained conscience. However, security was wielding water like a small child if you do not get what he wanted or had the opposite was little it might be. That taken as a personal betrayal or disloyalty most Dissent at least made him unstable in their affections and difficult to treat. It ends so abruptly and had to distance away from him by those who really liked him, unable to accept that he could love without interest, was used as everything had a price and pay it out of pocket normally.

I knew all this relatively quickly, soon to live together I realized. I inherited my grandmother's that rare Marta consciousness soon see a man still being in love with him to the bone. It's a blessing to me in the long run prevents greater evil, a curse that prevents the blind love and happiness that gives you the lack of knowledge.

"John, you can not set well with me," John, I think you're wrong about that, "" Life is not fair, John, is not only a question of effort or merit, just things are not always as we want them, "Do not you follow your rhythm, you have, does not mean you do not love you" ...

Since I started to see what it was, off the initial fascination I felt for him, until broke, spent several months about a year. It was a bit slow and without much friction, a painless and smooth stems. The initial discussions gave way to silence. During that time he also discovered aspects in me that I did not like anything. Some left, others have been muted by time.

"It's not shyness thing, is that you are too proud to fail, Laura ..."," I would gladly or real need, so you have no ambition and not enough you insist, "You born with many things and free ...".

"You you alone is sufficient for you, you know, you will always be a rich girl, so despise both those who strive and consider yourself better than them ..."

" Life is to spot, and you can not come out clean, Laura ... "-------------------------

Excerpt from" darling ", is full pdf Trabalibros .

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obesity.



Today I feel happy.
was not the best day of my life, but well ...
the morning did not go to the first two hours of class to study the review had recess ... but I fell asleep and could not review only thing>. \u0026lt;so I took a six (I get very nervous in the oral tests) Well I will work more on the next test so I can maintain the average ... At this rate I will not be able to log in psychology!
At lunchtime my parents forced me to eat TT as usual, this Once cooked and yogurt ... but hey, I turned to me and it is:) sincerely know that I have so much inside ... from what I've read somewhere around 20% but I will not pufff deanimar now! NOT CRAZY!
not how I'm going to fix or to excuse me I will draw from the manga but tomorrow I swear I will not eat anything! I'm sick of bulimia>. \u0026lt;more so because little by little I feel inside me is undermining ... and really my periods with ana have not only been more effective but also more enjoyable, the problem is the coexistence, is difficult to cheat so much and especially your parents. Although it sounds mean, it's much easier to tell any Ball to your friends to try to convince your parents ... and more to mine ... Need to become independent NOW! by the way, I'm looking for some work in the evenings or something to get me some money because I hate financially dependent on my parents (I am a parasite)
This afternoon, as she entered the bathroom the first thing I did was spend half an hour in the mirror How did I get so fat? I am disgusted! I left a lot ... While even I have the courage to weigh myself, as we see everything I've gained a infartoT.T me so I did not weigh them in a while (which I find it almost impossible) and not embitter've covered all the mirrors my home (I look like a eskizofrénica) because I've noticed that every time I reflected on one of them I get a "cut up" I look at my arms, my stomach, my legs and face horrible bread that is making me >. \u0026lt;'m horrible ASCO GIVE ME! Every time I think of Betta and the 36 kilos I fall tears T ^ T but who wants something does not cost you anything? and I do not think throwing in the towel and less now, that's clear.



FAT, OBESITY, OBESITY, OBESITY, OBESITY, OBESITY, OBESITY, OBESITY, OBESITY, OBESITY, OBESITY, OBESITY,
FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, fat, fat,
FAILED, FAILED, FAILED, FAILED, FAILED, FAILED, FAILED,

NOW NOT going to surrender.

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"spoiled child" (4. John and global fools)

I loved John. He seemed strong and admirable, free and independent. Her mesmerizing overflowing vitality. also met this little bad boy, that attracts some women, with the best cachicanes children of the estate of my grandmother doing what gave him real world catching wins overburden. At the time, had a solid training for advancing demands of himself, without any external pressure or demand, simply because they want to. It was also ready natural. I was there in the same investment bank than me, but it based on merit and an impressive resume to his twenty-seven, no favors to relatives or acquaintances.

John did not stop. Where others barely arrived he was overrun by desire and hours missed for his passion and dedication. I wanted to get something, somewhere, a natural ambition he fed feverishly restless activity, nothing was ever enough, enough. Accomplished something, not relaxing, going to the next without pause to enjoy what he had achieved, permanently dissatisfied.

had everything in that New York time, which were worth and came as John, studying with a scholarship and worked with effort and without recommendation, to hair, while many others like me, nothing brilliant but hard-working and consistent, even stubborn, aware of the luck of having a opportunity like that, and then the vague, mostly spoiled children, who often face the dismal academic performance on home soil, they had finally sent across the pond to return with a master's degree, a course a rare college or professional experience uncertain and almost inexplicable, whatever they were to have value in English territory by sheer ignorance.

"global Fools" Mara, my first roommate, described them as well. And then predicted success "And these, in addition to not knowing anything, they want to go up and appear, you'll see how well placed to return, but do not know or a joint, you'll see, Laura, positions that are ... Some people in Spain think they only say four words in English and being out and vouchers. There are many foolish and many classes everywhere, and fools will devastate global in reach ... "

-------------------- -

" Vale, John vente to the apartment, but you can not find out my family, please would take an upset of death ... If you get to know my grandmother ... "

was very quick especially between the lightning flash of infatuation, the sun and fog surrounds you, and my girl lonely orphan, who was very wide, vast. Mara is going well and I could not with all the rent on my own. Wine rolled around. remember that the illusion of moving and the first days of coexistence, finally feeling of wearing a full adult life, the protection which caused me to have a man next to me in my home, my bed, my body in protecting me.

(...) --------------------------

(If you want the full version of "darling" is in pdf Trabalibros , here )

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"darling" (3. Shopping)

Soon after graduating I was sent to the United States. "You have to remove the hair from the meadow" Uncle sentenced Joaquin this girl has to leave Spain, see the world and work. " My father left his family, as varied, to intervene in our education, he at margin since the death of mother, beaten and no appetite your way. I lived in New York for three years, a discovery and a passion since then. I left the little world in which so many environments in our country, provincial or not, ended up becoming. Mine was no exception.

"I'm still paying the loan for the university ..." Americans put their children to work early. It is a way of educating other than English, do not care who you are child or money with your parents. All my fellow Americans the bank made a living in one way or another since he was sixteen. Finished high school, sometimes earlier, they had a job on weekends, summers. Without exception, all had helped to pay for university. Also lived from the age of majority on its own. But that did not stop there whims and fancy, they were so different. We released

80 and I had been educated in containing spending and in the possession, something due more to the context of Spain, even sober, which means your family, all we spent less. I came to the United States and was struck: the average American closet was an overwhelming, full of clothes, three times more than mine. I did not know you could have so much or that cupiese. Were they, my colleagues, not their parents, those who were granted a thousand and one vagaries general atmosphere encouraged by the consumer without stopping, unprecedented then for a English-born 60. There was always something to buy somewhere, the shopping leisure part of a lifetime. Everything was great as well: to overflowing plates of food that he had not ended, two-liter Cokes were taken one after another as if it were water. And all too much, because in general it was cheaper or more earned in Europe at that time, five lipsticks instead of two, gadgets for every task in the kitchen, bathroom, garage, junk everywhere , often to overflowing shelves and drawers, sometimes whole houses a permanent disorder saturation.

"My name is Juan Rodríguez Alcázar, work on the fourth floor, we have seen, right?" A working party was presented. I shy, was observed as usual a step back, by far. Of course I had already posted, it always laughing and surrounded by people. I do not know yet is what I found. I was never pretty and there was just a good girl of the many English families with potential began to send to America, usually quiet and, of course, no one special in that city with girls and women around the interesting and different world, much to like, attractive. ------------------------

Excerpt from "darling" Full story in pdf Trabalibros .

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Catoptrofobia. Reality check


is defined as a persistent, abnormal, and unwarranted fear of mirrors.
eisoptrofobia Also known as, is a special kind of fear in which people are afraid to look at the mirrors. Afraid to make eye contact in the large mirrors, especially the whole body or more mirrors. People who suffer from catoptrofobia avoid passing in front of mirrors . They also avoid look at themselves in mirrors. Is still investigating whether the fear is the mirror itself or the image of the phobic person to reflect on them.
Symptoms can be between a mild rejection of the mirrors to have panic attacks. The catoptrofobia is characterized by its people suffer from shortness of breath or heavy sweating, anxiety, etc. Stay away from the mirrors is something they can not avoid, so it is important for the person to consider possible treatment options available to cure this phobia.
Patients may fear mirrors for a variety of reasons, usually involving some old emotional trauma to the mirrors, but also by superstition: the fear of being viewed through the mirrors, or mirrors that are a door to the supernatural or a window to another world. These fears are common. Also, some phobic fear of mirrors due to their low self-esteem Avoiding the look and judge themselves can be built gradually as an aversion to mirrors, even after it has overcome low self-esteem.

Lately I feel like, with the autestima on the floor ... with something inside devouring, consuming, stirring the depths ... as the feeling that everything goes wrong, that I have wanted to throw me to mourn, to break me to pieces and fear to feel small and vulnerable. Disguised with a shell
Smile drunk bitter as gall my silence with absurd conversations, any fight, any song ... anything that prevents me to stay silent and think ... think that things are more twisted and that following this road that leads nowhere, smiling and without question, the problems they are going to explode in the face.
false and I feel uncomfortable to be holding all those want to scream and to send the world to take the ass.
I do not know ... for now Notengo want or feel, or see me tiny. I want to be strong because I want change, and if for that I have to swallow everything I feel (how bad it is) so be it.
But do not want to sound melodramatic, I guess this is a phase or something ... and although things are not as optimistic and I feel like wanting to eat the world.
Perhaps you will wonder what has been paando for my life lately.
To recap a bit ... night before going to Italy, I called em Diego and confessed that he had cheated on me with his ex, obviously I left ... and well, it hurt, especially its so disgusting and cowardly behavior, but the truth is I did not shed a tear.
I liked, I had love, but not in love with him and if things went well, as it is:)


Regarding the guys, this Friday was the feast of spring and drank ... perhaps more than usual, perhaps because he had without eating more than three days, the case esque em drunk ... to the point of not remembering and a supposed friend (I say alleged because a friend would not do that) I kissed her, or tried to kiss me or do not know what happened ... the fact is that the next day and began to ask me to explain that his ego was badly damaged because only he had followed the kiss because he did not know up sober and told him that he did not want anything with him.
The truth is that I screwed up a lot and more coming from a friend ... em seems incredible that a person can be so cheeky as to expect that a girl who rejected you is drunk a thousand times to take advantage What makes you think that drunk I want more than you? DAS ASCO! and over after you go around the victim, saying that if your ego is damaged, if your atoestima is low Really? At the risk of appearing as egocentric as you are, what matters here is not your ego, what matters here is that not only have you busy with me being drunk, but you have a little embarrassed to go from victim and tell everyone I'm making crazy when I say that I do not remember things. Das
sorrow, disgust and shame.
is a bitch to have gaps where baby-> Note to self: stop drinking. Moreover
... examinations, tests and more tests. My relationship with my
catastrophic family the most ... We just talked and such.
Well ... This week I begin a strict fast as possible, because I have all week that if three days without eating, if I feel that if as fainting and vomiting after: s a mess we go ... so oy start fasting tomorrow (today my parents forced me to eat so I have to vomit)
Ains ... otherwise I do well with ana:) but lately I've noticed that I do not get tight clothing or short sleeves or necklines ... I do not like showing my body and I always covered up the neck ... I do not know ...
I feel like I have until tomorrow to start unanueva stage of my life:) Wish me luck
history test >. \u0026lt;

Causes Of White Spots On Dogs Nose

"darling" (2. The grandmother Martha and the children of cachicanes)

(...) was the worst thing that could be the end of the 60 in my family, a spoiled child. He had at school, not many. Girls who wanted to be the center of attention, his parents used to give in to their whims and who were in check. Rode the San Quentin if not getting what they wanted. No one could with them, it was a corny, a prim and all that frightened me to be. The whim and desire have been a constant form of weakness unbearable for me, anything to be ashamed and hide it inside if you have. girls were also bad, but had his grace as scurrilous and outspoken as they were, those who smoked more sneaking into the yard and let loose once in a while a taco with some precision and worldly style. It was not well be so, but were, without comparison, much better than pampered.

"I consent too" once heard my grandmother told my father. "It is normal in your situation, and I understand, but do not do any favors. Children need to know say no. You have to endure the storm of your daughters come to think or even say to your face, not because they want to deny something. Until then, until you put up with this accusation or hate small not know what it means to be a father . "

There she was, her mother, to educate, orphan girls, but not so spoiled, God wanted. Being bad was attractive, but, above all, I wanted to be like the children of cachicanes , guardians of the estate, in air by giving them really suit, barefoot, with no apparent schedule or obligations. "Why I can not I be like them?" "Because they do not have what you have" was the invariable answer.

these children grew up envying free and worshiping my grandmother at the same time, also fearing his blue eyes that pierced and accurate.

"Your grandmother is a lady," said Mary with devotion . So I came to believe until I was older than the women actually drank sherry in the afternoon, using a cane and were able to notice what was going on inside people and what could be expected from each . My grandmother had a foresight verging on miracles. Also my father's widow at a young age, thereby coming to know others do not really know what it was, whether a natural or experience of having to take out one business, farm and family. Dealing from a young age with so much without the support of a man, and in a world hostile to a woman as it was the Spain of the 40 and 50, we did develop something that perhaps it was born: the ability to know quickly what important and the strength to follow that intuition without the desire or hope clouded his knowledge about something or someone, always face the reality and with their name on it. (...)

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(Excerpt from story "darling" is full Trabalibros )