Today I got so disappointed and angry with myself ... Why? Yesterday my parents forced me to eat ... was horrible, I took laxatives (because I can not throw up) but I still felt horrible ... with lots of vomit.
was probably all mental, but I felt like the food he wanted to "climb" up my throat ... I do not know, sometimes I think I'm losing my mind ...
do not know if you ever happen that you have spent several days without eating and then you have gone to bed:
a) You have not slept all night (very normal)
b) All night was eating and vomiting in a dream ... god! is horrible, because I wake up Have you eaten? and I have not done, but it is as if afraid has it ...
all very strange, I could no longer escape from it even if wanted to, because every day, every minute, every second I think of my weight in food, as I look horrible ... I put the TV and I look at all the girls on the street, at the mall, internet, reading or drawing even my thoughts just go in that direction ...
And I think, Have I finally lost the few papers that I had? Phew do not know, but probablemnte the fact that being aware of that and still "love" this way of life, I think responded quite positively to that question.
Tomorrow I make the check in the hospital and probably I weigh ... I do not want: s but I want to stop a sore throat and>. \u0026lt;also I can not even play sports because it hurts!
I decided to stop drinking alcohol, I love but fat lot and, frankly, to see a drunken woman is not attractive ... about smoking pufff I wonder how many of my cigars have been the last ... in fact at this point, if not for the fucking graganta, light a cigarette, closer to the lips and the first puff would let my concerns be pulled into ethereal spirals of smoke, which fade into the sun, and disappear with the breeze ... need to sit at the roof at sunset, I need a cigarette ... need to be perfect.
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